That One good friend

Growing up I was always an odd ball, no matter where I went; I still am in some ways, but I don’t care anymore. I am Me.

My older and oldest sisters had a few friends that they grew up with Junior and High School, and they would hang out, talk with each other and it looked like they helped out each other. I always wanted that. I didn’t have that. I had a person that became my friend, but she wasn’t really a friend.  If I couldn’t do something to help her out or do something for her, there as a disagreement or she wouldn’t speak to me. Me being the dummy I was back then, tried to be something that I wasn’t to make her happy.

After a few years of this and my mom telling me she’s a leech, I learned to defend myself and tell her what I thought. This got to her at some point and she made it difficult to be around her. I told her this and why I felt if being difficult around her and said my farewells and I haven’t seen her since April 18 2010. I don’t miss the drama, but I do miss having a friend. I understand no one is perfect and you have to take the good with the bad, but if a person isn’t a good influence and helping you become a better person and add light to your light then they have to go.

Ever since then I have had many failure, but so many more successes, and I am happy with me. I am ready to have that ONE good friend in my corner. I’m ready to invest mt time and effort, now that I know me and what a friend should be to me and I to them.

You know that ONE person who knows you, that ONE you whine and cry to, that person that supports your dreams and goals, that’s happy when good things happen for you knowing their next. When you or she/he wins, you both win. Yeah that ONE good friend.

Are you out there?

To that One good friend.

Playing it safe. What’s that?

“The greater the risk the greater the reward”, at least so they say.

I say “Great rewards go to who’s willing to risk it no matter what, for the greater good”.

I never had the mental concept of safe. I grew up in a not so good neighborhood, with way less that the average Joe, but we survived. We had barely what we needed at times and I thought that was normal, at least it was for us, for me. I was raised and surrounded by people that had to take big chances to just survive, so taking risks is a part of me.

My upbringing and experiences has helped shape me although I don’t like to admit it sometimes. Having less than the average Joe and seeing how the 1% lived still plays on my mind. Ever since I can remember, I have been on a quest to educate myself on how do I go from less than nothing to having everything that I thought I could never have.

At this point in my life I have taken some life and death chances, I have taken some life altering chances and I am stronger and better for it. Now it’s time to take some financial altering chances. I want to live like the 1%, so I have been studying them, learning and practicing to change my life and fake it until I make it.

I can tell you my choices and chances does in involve time, a lot of effort, and risk. There is no playing it safe to go from nothing to the 1%.

I know it’s possible because I’ve seen it, self-made millionaires, and billionaires. I am going to become both. I’m learning what risks are worth taking and what’s not.

I may not have the full picture before me, but every day I learn, I do, I learn I do.

I am a baby in this journey, but I am definitely maturing quickly. I am focused and ambitious without limits on myself. My mom would always say, “there is more than one way to skin a cat.” Well I’m going to try to skin this cat as many ways as possible.

Take the risk that will transform generations after you.

Loving yourself is the key.

I have been single for about 5ish years and it has been a combination of maybe more than happiness, joy, sadness, depression, loneliness, aggression, self-doubt, low self-esteem, patience to then find who I am. Learning what that means and everything that comes along with that. Learning what I want and expect from myself, what I want mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

Loving myself to me means, self-discovery, and that’s a daily journey because we evolve daily. Self-love takes work; a lot of work initially, but daily effort is necessary because you can easily lose focus and start regressing in to that old version of yourself. 

I have learned that loving myself means that I can love someone else, because I can not give what I don’t have.

This reminds me of a saying; “who feels it, knows it”. No one can truly love you until they love themselves first. They have to do the work to love them-selves, so that they can love you. You have to do the work to love yourself to be able to love someone else. When we are filled with genuine, authentic love for ourselves, we can share that with another and gain more love.

Loving yourself is multi-dimensional. No matter how long you’ve practiced self-love,  there is always new discoveries about yourself.

Take the time to learn yourself, learn how to love yourself first because you’re worth the effort.

You cannot give what you don’t have, so love yourself to give love.

I’m giving up

I’m giving up on everything that never meant anything good for me. I’m giving up on all the lies that were taught and showed to me.

I’m leaving behind every person that continues to drain the life out of me, every horrible experience, every negative thought and every negative response.

I’m giving up every selfish, manipulating act towards me and every person that used me.

You are in my past. My future holds my present vision.

I give up wasting my time, effort and energy thinking and reminiscing about what could have been and how it could have been different.

I give up on all of the things, thoughts, people, places, behaviors, foods and conversations that doesn’t bring and/or are, life giving, light and pleasant.

I Want Me

I am a wife; although I am not married YET.

I am a help meet; although I only help myself.

I am a sensual being; although I have no one to caress my soft supple skin yet.

I am funny and I crack myself up.

I am happy because it’s my job to make me happy.

I am wealthy; although my bank account will soon reflect that statement.

I like nice things; although I don’t have many of them yet.

I am confident and take myself on dates.

I am a cool lady, but I can get crazy.

I am a queen, and I will be treated as such.

I am awaiting my king because and he will discover the other parts of me that is just for him to see.

He will want and commit to all the parts of me, and I him.

In the beginning I wanted to find out those parts of me, the parts that I was unsure about and didn’t know very well. Now every day I wake up loving and wanting me, all of me.

I want me.

Even if there is no he,

I will always want me

because I am all that you see.

Facing Rejection

Rejection has so many faces, I can only tell you about a few of them here. I have come face to face with him and he is one ugly mofo. Yes, I said he. If you haven’t seen him yet good luck, when you do, he isn’t going to be nice to you.

He was at a job interview, he was an ex-boyfriend, he was a loan officer and even a banker. That fool wears a lot of faces I tell you. Here’s the secret to a face-off with this fool.  A smile, he’s going to hate it.

From a big picture, rejection is not always a bad thing. Although it’s ugly in that moment, in the long term, it may have saved you from many negative situations, possibly even saved your life.

I urge you to find your way of dealing with him (rejection), because one way or another you’re going to have a face-off with him, and sometimes you’re going to fight, you should also figure out when a fight in warranted. He can make thing complicated and messy, but don’t let him control you, allow him to make you a better you in spite of his ugliness.

What makes you better than me?

What makes you better than me?

I didn’t choose where I was born, when I was born, or who I was born to. I didn’t choose my opportunities, my abilities, strength, weaknesses; I didn’t choose my cousins, uncles, aunties, brothers or sisters.

I didn’t choose were I was born.

You didn’t choose it either, so who are you to think that your better than me?

I didn’t choose my name, gender, birth date or time.

Man get over yourself, you are no better than me.

You may have more stuff, seen more, done more, but you are not better.

If I had the choice, I would choose better, but just because I don’t have what you have doesn’t make you better.

Stuff doesn’t make you better. Having things doesn’t make you better.

Can anyone tell me what makes you better than me?

To answer that question, you’re not.  Were all one we all have our part to play.

Together we make each other better.

 

I didn’t make myself

I didn’t make myself

I wonder if I had a choice, would I make me, me?

If you had a choice, would you make you, you?

Would it depend on the choices that you were given? What if you had no example, but you had all of the pieces?

Take a good long deep look in the mirror; would you seriously put all those pieces perfectly in place, body parts perfectly positioned, every follicle of hair perfectly positioned, complexion of skin, and teeth in place, would you?

I bet you wouldn’t, even if you could.

Perfection doesn’t exist. We grow, change, develop, evolve, get wounds that leave scars.

I am glad I didn’t make myself, but I’m so happy to be me.

You should be happy to be you, flaws, imperfections, vulnerabilities pet peeves and all. If your not happy being you, you could never be happy with someone else.

If you’re not happy with you, take it up with the one who made you, he’ll open up your eyes to your questions and fill you with answers. You’ll be able see beyond your questions of why, how and who, what, where and when.

You become filled with joy and gratitude.

I didn’t make myself and neither did you.

 

 

You were made to stand out and be seen

Made to stand out

I have always been the “odd ball”, for a better way of putting it, but something happened after my 25th birthday, I just didn’t give a “rip” anymore. I couldn’t care less what people thought about me, so I dressed, and carried myself how I wanted to and it made me feel confident, happy and bold.

Finances were always a struggle and moving to another country in a totally different climate, and culture was difficult without support. I didn’t fit in any were, not only was I the only black person, but the only foreigner. There was no cultural diversity.

I got married to a man that promised to love me and support me, but that never happened; instead I got used, abused, teased and threatened. I was taught all the wrong information and I was always the guinea pig for deception when it came to him using his family for money. But no more, I started my college career at a local community college, and I was taught how to find information, later I learned it’s called research. Now I’m a certified researcher.

I graduated from a university I transferred to after 3 years of studies at a community college, and I am so proud of myself for making it through, it was one of the most difficult times in my life.

While in school I gave birth to my baby girl, went through a divorce and had to maintain a job to support my 2 kids. I had no family support, and my family back home couldn’t help me either.

For 3 of the 6 years I felt stuck, frustrated, alone and lonely, until I shifted how I thought about my situation. Then I came across Lisa Nichols on YouTube, she said two thing that I repeated in my mind that help me through my day to day life: the first is, “it’s OK to not be OK”, and the second is, “Why blend in, when you were made to stand out”.

I was made from the foundations of the world to stand out and that I do now, despite the racism, that dirty looks the gossip behind my back the jealous looks, envy, malice and whatever other ill will people have toward me that don’t know me.

Today I walk bold, confident, pleased, courageous and ready to create the life that I want; because I was made to stand out.

5 Steps for New Wholeness Seekers

              Wholeness? What are you talking about?

   Well I am glad you asked, stick around and you’ll find out in a minute.

According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary “wholeness” is a noun that means, “the quality or state of being without restriction, exception, or qualification”. What does that means for me and, or you?

Self-evaluation leads to questions. How are we supposed to become and sustain that state of wholeness, if we don’t ask ourselves these questions in my opinion is impossible.

I know, I know; for some people these questions can be difficult to face, so ask yourself one question at a time and seek the answers at your own pace, but no procrastinating.

It’s in the seeking process we develop the skills to become the best versions of ourselves. Enjoying the discovery process is important to becoming our best versions because this journey is lifelong.

OK Dominique, so how do I start?

I’m glad you asked. I have 5 steps to start this new wholeness journey of yours. These tips are a few of what I have and still use today. Here goes.

Step 1: Ask yourself; what do I think about of me?And be fully-100% honest with yourself.

Step 2: Think about your thoughts, or as Creflo Dollar says, “Think about, what you’re thinking about”.

Step 3: Ask yourself; what do I enjoy doing? What makes me happy? What brings me complete joy and satisfaction?

Step 4: Self-care should make you feel like the Queen’s and King’s that you are. Ask yourself; what does self-care look like for me? This ties into mental health, but is its own entity.

Step 5: Mental health is also very important. Ask yourself; what can I do to make sure I’m mentally healthy? What does that look like for me and what can I do to be mentally the best me?

I hope that you enjoyed these 5 steps, they may help you become that best versions of yourself.

I am not a mental health professional. I am sharing what I practice for my own journey of wholeness and hope that this information would be able to help someone that is unsure how to get started on this beautiful journey of becoming the best versions of ourselves.

 

 

 

References/Credits:

Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary: https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/wholeness

Self-care Practices: http://www.health.com/mind-body/self-care-ideas

Mental Health: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673607612380